


Chandelier Still Flickering

by hvss



Series: Golden, Like Daylight [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, Internalized Homophobia, It started out bc of that fucking meme, M/M, Reddie, denial is my best friend, just Richie trying to figure out life ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hvss/pseuds/hvss
Summary: “This guy was the most annoying little shit Richie had ever fucking met and yet... and yet. Well, Richie wasn’t about to admit anything, but feelings were there.”The losers meet again after two decades and Richie all at once all the memories came back.





	Chandelier Still Flickering

**Author's Note:**

> So this was just something that was in my head after watching it chapter 2 twice and having so many reddie feelings. Then went on tumblr and saw so many posts, and it all started because of a meme. I made an account just so I could post this. Definitely has some spelling or grammar errors. So ah yeah.... be kind and enjoy.

“Fuck you bro” Eddie said one minute into a conversation with Richie. They hadn’t seen or remembered each other for decades and somehow they were back to being the usual annoying teenagers.

“Fuck you too!” Richie snorted as he finished making fun of Eddie. The thing was seeing Eddie and remembering him came back to Richie and hit him like a thousand bricks. His pinning, his secret...

So as he did back then, all he could do to repress the feelings was to make fun of Eddie in every way possible.

They were all much older obviously, in their 40s now. Eddie had not changed, if anything the annoying qualities he had while he was younger just got even more annoying. He argued with the waitress about food. ingredients and demanded he saw the nutritional chart. He somehow made the conversation shift into new life threatening diseases, informing everyone how easily they could die if they didn’t religiously use anti bacterial soap and hand sanitizer. This guy was the most annoying little shit Richie had ever fucking met and yet... and yet. Well, Richie wasn’t about to admit anything, but feelings were there.

Somehow the marriage topic was brought up and Bev, Bill and Eddie were the ones who raised their hand.

Richie was going to need a thousand drinks. He downs a shot and starts asking Eddie about his marriage. Of course he got married. Of course Eddie got married... to a woman. He’s not... he’s not like Richie. Of course this only raised more feelings.

“Fuck you bro!” Eddie said again because Richie kept making jokes about his marriage.

“Fuck youuuu!” Richie said, clearly tipsy. He should really stop drinking, but he just found out his first love was married. Okay yikes, so much for not admitting anything.

The drinks continued, everyone talking about their lives and how much they missed each other. Ben obviously being extremely fit, comes into the conversation.

Ben blushes and Richie notices how Beverly definitely checks him out, “It’s just a healthier living style that’s all.”

“Oh bullshit! You’re like super hot dude!” Richie says after taking another shot, “I’m surprised you aren’t married either. I mean if hypochondriac dickwad over here did, how are you still single?”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up ass face?” Eddie hisses at him, “I happen to be a very good catch, I have my own company and we are doing extremely well! Probably even make more than you two famous assholes.” He points to Bill who raised an eyebrow.

“Oh please enlighten us on what you do for work!” Richie asked, hoping Eddie takes the bait.

And because Eddie is Eddie, he does. “I’m a risk analyst, so basic-“

Richie pretends to sleep and makes a fake snoring sound which makes Eddie stop and glare at him.

The other just start laughing and Richie pretends to wake up. “Oh sorry... so was this before fun was invented?” Richie said and Eddie’s nostrils flare.

“Fuck you asshole!” Eddie snaps at him and Richie giggles at how easy it was to push his buttons.

“Fuck you too!” Richie says and thankfully Mike steps in directing the conversation elsewhere.

Elsewhere was definitely not to more bickering and playful memories. Cause suddenly everything became way too real. The clown. Pennywise. It.

Richie couldn’t get out of there as fast, he actually thought about leaving his stuff at the inn and just speeding off and forgetting about this shithole of a town.

But something stopped him. In a way he knew leaving would probably mean forgetting everything. And while that would be the better thing to do, he didn’t want to forget his friends. He didn’t want to forget Eddie.

So he went back to the inn, got his stuff. Beverly and Ben talking about nonsense while he hurried them up, even calling to Eddie as well.

Richie could ask for Eddie’s number right? They were friends. They have always been close, even with 20 plus years of not remembering each other.

See he hated this. Maybe forgetting wasn’t a bad idea.

Eddie came down with his two suitcases talking about his toiletries bag and Richie could not for the life of him think of anyone more outrageous than him. He was staying and remembering everything, even if it hurt.

Richie was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He comes back from following Mike’s stupid idea of gaining back some memories.

More like childhood trauma. Pennywise, It, knew his secret. He was gay, god he had always been gay. But he hated it. He hated having those thoughts. He hated being in love with Eddie so much. He hated not being normal and right.

He passed Beverly and Ben who ask what was wrong and goes straight to his room. He is sobbing into his hands, still hearing the taunting chants of that stupid asshole clown.

He remembered how it felt to be called out like that, just because he was too friendly with another boy. He remembered how much it hurt him to think that if Eddie or his friends ever suspected or find out, would also call him names and beat him up.

Richie stands up, grabbing his bag, leaving as fast he could. He took the back exit and was racing out of town.

This was justified, he was in the right. He kept telling himself that.

They were all outside of Neibolt street. Richie had turned around and come back after remembering Stan’s speech. It was so insane but maybe he’d owe it to Stan to finish this.

Also he killed a guy, so that’s just... great. Granted it was Henry Bowers but still. He had stabbed Eddie so in a way, he told himself mostly, this deed was a good deed.

Richie feels himself drop, back to reality. He couldn’t process what exactly had happened, his mind still so fuzzy. He manages to open his eyes and try to get some clarity when Eddie is standing over him. He’s saying something, his ears are still ringing.

Was this heaven? Was he dead?

Richie would take it as heaven if it mean Eddie was here with him. He grabs Eddie’s arms and pulls him in. He is still pretty much dazed, but pulling Eddie seemed like something he had to do.

Eddie was staring at him confused but he let Richie pull him in, their foreheads touching. Richie was going to kiss him. That was his only thought.

“Fuck!” Eddie exclaimed and turned around. Richie finally snapped out his daze and realized what had happened.

“Eddie...” He whispered about to apologize for even thinking kissing him during that moment was even appropriate.

But Eddie pulled back, grabbing his arm and pulling him up so they could run, hiding against a rock . “Did you know?” Eddie asked breathlessly, “I mean... if you hadn’t pulled me down he would’ve of stabbed me.”

Richie eyes widened and he takes a few moments to process this. It was going to stab Eddie right through his chest and because Richie had pulled him down, to kiss him, he had missed. “Yeah...” Richie said, completely unconvincing, “Yeah.. deadlights and all.” Eddie raised an eyebrow but didn’t have time to press because again they were running from It.

They all showered after defeating It. They went back to the inn and cleaned up.

Now they were all laying around at the bar, sharing their favorite Stan memories.

His death hurt them all. Defeating It, was bittersweet. Yes he was gone forever, but so was Stan.

They all said their goodbyes the next day, promising that in 6 months they were going to get together again. And also promised each other to text constantly.

Bev had even created a groupchat, but that went off the rails because Eddie was the only asshole without an iPhone.

“Android seriously?” Richie stared at him incredulously. Eddie seemed like he was going to start in one his rants. “No! Save it dumbass, I don’t want to hear it!”

“Samsung is definitely way be-“

“I just fucking said I didn’t want to hear it!”

“Well you’re gonna hear it becau-“

“For fuck sakes shut up! Both of you!” Bill groaned, and the rest chimed in agreeing.

Eddie turns over to them and huffs, then looks back at Richie. “Fuck you bro!”

“Fuck you too!” Richie exclaims but before he could even continued bickering Bev intercepted and asked everyone to download one of those apps designed for group chats.

Once that was settled, they all hugged each other goodbye.

Richie squeezes Eddie as hard as he could, he was very slim and nice in his arms. He would tease him about it if his heart didn’t feel heavy. “You better not forget me dickwad.” Eddie said as they pull back.

Impossible, Richie thinks but he had once. He smiles, “Please come visit me in LA. I hate New York City with a passion.”

He actually didn’t, New York City was one of his favorite cities. He just didn’t want to ever have a chance in having to meet Eddie’s wife.

Eddie looked to the side, deep in thought for a moment, “Yeah... whenever I take care of things I’ll definitely visit you.”

What the fuck did that mean? Richie didn’t get to press because Bill came in hugging him. And that was that. Goodbye for now.

Six months passed. The strangest six months of his life.

A week after coming back from Derry, after trying to push everything down, he broke. He cried and cried for an entire day.

He was gay.

That was his dirty little secret, his truth. And he couldn’t ignore it like he did all those years before. He couldn’t push it down anymore. He really couldn’t anymore. He was tired of living a lie. But he was also terrified of being out, of walking one day holding another mans hand and having someone call them names. He was terrified of people hating him because of his sexuality.

Richie also fully and truly came to terms that he was so in love with Eddie. He was the love of his life, since teenagers. But Eddie was married, even if Richie thought he could do better, Eddie wasn’t gay. He would never have Eddie.

So for two weeks after his break down he let himself sulk. He’d get drunk and high when emotions were unmanageable. But after that, he decided it was time to grow up.

So he was gay, he could come out. Richie thought about writing his own material, perhaps even poke fun at how he had always been gay and only remembered after defeating his childhood trauma. Of course no one would take it literal about killing that clown, they’d think it was a metaphor. Which was kinda brilliant.

Richie send various emails to his manager to set up meetings. He was terrified of coming out but it just felt like he finally needed to start living his truth. His manager didn’t argue about him coming out, thought it was a great idea. Started to pitch a comedy special on Netflix.

They started working on possible dates to film it. His manager suggested he come out during his comedy special. Richie thought it was a good idea. Then after the comedy special aired he would toured a couple of cities.

It took a couple of months planning but everything was coming along together.

He grabs his suitcase from baggage claim and checks around to see if he could spot Mike, who told him he would pick him up.

The gang all stuck to their promise and kept in contact, all texting the group chat.

Richie sometimes texting Eddie on the side, mostly just to argue as per usual.

He also called Beverly at least once a week, loved to know she was so incredibly happy.

The losers decided to meet in Florida because Mike insisted it was beautiful. Which it was, if you liked not being able to breath, which Richie really liked.

His face lights up when he sees Mike, who looked so good. “Hey man!” He greets and pulls him into a hug. They get in his car, Mike chatting about how great Florida is and that the hotel is a nice secluded resort by the beach.

Once they get to the resort, he checks in and settles in his room. It was nice, balcony and a view and all. He lost track of time getting in the shower because he gets a notification from the group chat, asking him where he is.

He quickly changed and came downstairs, all of them were at the bar.

“It seems like I need to catch up.” Richie nods to the few empty alcohol glasses on the table.

Beverly smiles lazily, clearly tipsy, “You shouldn’t have been so late!”

Richie rolls his eyes and looks around, “Hey where’s Eddie?”

“Careful Trashmouth, for a moment I’ll think you actually missed me.” Eddie says, behind Richie.

Richie turns around and smiles, then scoffs, “Don’t flatter yourself, I was just making sure I had someone to pick on the entire weekend.”

Bill looks at them smirking softly and shaking his head, “I would love to sit here and get drunk, but I believe we have reservations.”

They all walked to the other side of the resort to a nice restaurant right by the beach. In a agreement they had an extra chair, for Stan.

Again they start eating and drinking and having conversations of what they were up to.

Beverly was almost finalizing her divorce, Ben looked so proud and happy for her.

Bill said that he was attending marriage counseling, trying to fix things with his wife.

“And you? How is your wife?” Bill asked over to Eddie who had been quiet for this entire conversation.

Richie felt his stomach flip, looking to see if the waiter was around them to order another round.

Eddie bites his lip and sighs, “We are getting a divorce actually.”

Richie chokes on his drink.

Eddie looks at him raising an eyebrow, Beverly speaks up. “Why?”

Eddie shrugs, “Not happy... I guess-“ He stops and sighs, “I went back and despite all I experienced in Derry, I wanted to see if I could be happy with her. And Richie please no jokes about this, I basically married my mother. So... I wasn’t happy, at all. So a week after I asked her for a divorce.”

Richie for once had no comment, everyone just stared at Eddie sympathetically.

“It’s going to be... better Eddie.” Beverly said in a soft voice, “Now you can be with someone who makes you happy.”

Eddie nods, looking down at his hands, “Yeah.. I’ll be fine. Sorry to bring the mood down guys.”

“Well I guess it won’t be as awkward when I tell you all my thing.” Richie comments and Eddie looks up.

“What thing?” Ben asks and Richie feels like he starts shaking.

“I’ve... well... okay. See..” Richie tries, figuring out how to start. “Pennywise, It... I know he tried to kill a lot of you guys when we were back in Derry and went to find our token. However... he didn’t really do that with me.”

Eddie snorts, “Are you bragging that Pennywise didn’t want to kill you?”

Richie snorts, “No.. believe me I’m not.” The mood changes again and he furrows his eyebrow looking down at his empty plate. “He would taunt me actually.”

“Taunt you?” Eddie asks.

“Eddie if you could shut your mouth for a second! I didn’t interrupt you for your thing!” Richie snaps and Eddie raises his hand in defeat.

After a minute Richie continues, “See.. It knew what I was, what I’ve tried to hid all my life. It knew what I was and used it against me.”

Richie looks up, looking at each of his friends and thinks, here it goes. “I’m gay. I’ve always known for the most part, but going back to Derry made me realize and connect the dots about a lot of things. So, yeah. I’m.. gay.”

He feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, but he also felt like he could go into a panic attack. His friends however all came around and did a group hug over him.

“You guys aren’t.. disgusted?” Richie heard himself say, tears filling his eyes.

“You’re crazy Richie! Why would we? So what you’re gay? Love who you wanna love man.” Bill said and everyone agreed. Richie held onto their friends for a few minutes before they broke away.

“So that means you’ve never fucked my mom!” Eddie states and the entire table rips out in laughter.

Richie felt good. Really good. He came out to his friends and they all accepted him. He told them all about his plan about coming out publicly. Even invited them to the Netflix special event, which all agreed.

It was late and they were all coming back to their rooms. They were all in different floors of course Eddie and him being in the same floor.

Richie toyed with the idea of telling him, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to say it all.

They exit the elevator, talking, arguing.

“It doesn’t matter if you finally write your own material, I’m still going to hate your jokes!” Eddie argues.

“That sucks, your mom loved my jokes!” Richie snorts.

Eddie groans, “I thought you being gay would stop all of the mom jokes!”

“No way! Those are saying forever, it’s our essence Eds!” Richie declares as he was nearing his room.

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie said and Richie smirks because he would call him that over and over again.

“Fine... Eddie-spaghetti!”

“Seriously stop with the ugly nicknames!”

“Not a chance Eduardo!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck me yourself you coward!”

They both froze.

Richie had not just said that.

He had a thousand ways to tell Eddie how he felt and this is how it came out. In a joke. Of fucking course.

Eddie stared at him wide eye and Richie knew there was no way to take it back.

He fumbled with his key, “I should....” Richie says but doesn’t finish and walks over to his room sliding the key in. He hears a faint goodnight from Eddie before he shuts his door.

He leans against the door just hyperventilating because shit. He definitely made it weird now. Richie could’ve of made those type of jokes but now he’s gay. Well he’s always been gay but now Eddie knows. Eddie definitely could’ve of taken it the wrong way, well the right way.

In the morning he would tell him he was drunk, yeah. That would work.

Except he would just lie. He would once again just be in this vicious cycle of lying.

Richie needed to tell Eddie, rip the bandaid off. He already knew Eddie would never return the feelings. Might as well tell him and get this over with. If it made things weird then so be it.

He doesn’t know where this courage came from, or why he even thought it was a good idea but here went nothing.

Richie opens the door, about to do the most stupidest thing he’s ever done, when he’s met with Eddie.

Eddie was outside his door, determined look on his face. Oh shit, was Eddie going to punch him?

Quite opposite. Eddie leaned in, cupping his face and pressing their lips together.

Richie could barely process what was happening but he couldn’t even think properly.

Eddie was kissing him, doing things with his tongue that made him melt, pressing against him just so deliciously.

They pull away briefly, completely breathless still in the doorway. “What-?” Richie started to ask.

“You. You dickwad! You made me realize why I could never be happy with her. You’re the most annoying, crude and disgusting person I know. But... somehow I am so insanely in love with you.” Eddie confesses, “Being back in Derry, despite it all, was the happiest I had ever been because of you! I love you Richie!”

Richie was speechless, Eddie was in love with him? Eddie was in love with him. Eddie was in love with him!

“I can’t believe this...” Richie said and Eddie got a panicked look in his eyes. “I’m so telling everyone you said I love you first!”

Eddie rolls his eyes and pushes Richie inside the room, backing him against a wall. “You’re so fucking annoying!”

“I love you too!” Richie says, “By the way, if it wasn’t obvious. Loved you since I’ve met you probably, love of my life and all that.”

Eddie smiles at him, leaning in and kissing him again, then pulls back humming, “I am so telling everyone you told me to fuck you!”

Richie gasps and shakes his head, “No! No! Fine! Truce, we just say we said it at the same time!”

“No way asshole, your thing is more embarrassing!” Eddie laughs and then gets serious for a second, “You wouldn’t want me to fuck you?”

Richie is again speechless just thinking of that, imagining what it would be like for Eddie to slide into him and make hi-

His thoughts were starting to get so graphic and Eddie smirks, “You would.”

The morning after Richie feels so incredible peaceful and at rest. Which was silly because Eddie and him stayed up late having sex. Sex was always okay for him, it wasn’t mind blowing. But last night.. best sex he ever had.

After Eddie made fun of him for carrying condoms in hopes of meeting a hopeful man at the resort, he fucked Richie. Twice.

They took a shower because Eddie started to freak out over germs where they fucked again. Richie fucking Eddie this time. They still haven’t decided which was better. Sex was the best feeling, he couldn’t get enough.

He briefly wondered if he could ditch whatever their friends had planned for today and just fuck all day. He presented the idea to Eddie.

“No fuck face!” Eddie shook his head, he holds one finger up. “First of all we are forty year old men! Our stamina isn’t that fucking great anymore, that’s not a possibility.”

“We managed to have several rounds last night!” Richie argued

“Don’t interrupt me asshole!” Eddie snaps at him and then holds a second finger up, “Second of all...” He pauses and smiles at Richie, cupping his face, “We have the rest of our lives, no rush.”

Richie turns his face a little, kissing his palm. “I like the sound of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah that was that! again be kind if leaving a comment. i might add another chapter to this, still feels like i could write more but yeah. thank u all.


End file.
